Mother's Day

Today is mother's day and this year I am a mother. Everyone has been wishing me a Happy Mother's Day and I have gotten cards and phone calls. And I appreciate everyone doing that for me. I know everyone is happy for me that I am a mom now and that I get to celebrate my first mother's day this year. I told Josh I didn't want him to do anything special for me but he did make me a cute card and bought me Starbucks this morning ( and gave me the movie "Juno" last night, but not really for Mother's Day). This day is a happy day for me but in reality it is no different from any other day since February 2nd when a precious baby girl was placed in my arms. I appreciate everyone thinking of me today but in some ways today is actually a bittersweet day for me. I remember last Mother's Day and it was a very difficult day for me. Josh and I had just a few weeks before been given our final diagnosis telling us that we would not be able to have children without very specialized treatment, treatment that went too far into the realm of "playing God" that we didn't feel like it was something we could do. On Mother's Day I was in church and was doing ok until the children went up to the front to sing a song and I lost it. I actually had to leave the service because I couldn't stop crying. I have never had to leave church. But on that day it was just too much. I guess at that time in my life I was grieving a loss and was left feeling empty, wondering if I would ever become a mom. I thought to myself, "how many more Mother's Days am I going to have to sit through before I become a mom. And this year, I guess one would think that I would be really excited about mother's day since this year I had a 3 month old baby in my arms, but it was still difficult. It is difficult to remember what that day felt like for me last year and to think that this year there are other's experiencing that same deep pain. To think of those who have lost mothers, who have lost children, who can't have children, those who still aren't married but long to be, those who are waiting to adopt a child, those who have given their children up for adoption. I am not the type of person that can know other people are experiencing pain and not feel it too. I don't think God allows us to go through painful experiences just to forget about them when they are over. He wants us to comfort others when they are going through the same or similar situations. As painful as our experience was with infertilty, I am so thankful for it. I am thankful first and foremost because God has revealed that it was all a part of His glorious plan for our lives and without our infertility we would not have our precious and beautiful daughter, who I can't imagine life without. Another reason why I am thankful is because it opened my eyes to other people's pain and it has also allowed me to see what a tremendous blessing being a mom is. I am so thankful because I will never take being a mother for granted, I will never take the blessing of children for granted. Today I am the one who is truly blessed. And every day when I go into my daughter's room and see her smiling at me, that is a greater gift than I ever could have asked for or imagined.